ok Pause on a deeper note...

I remember Joanna pulling away in the taxi infront of our hostel in Buenos Aires. Maybe it was because it was that time of month for me and I was allowing myself to feel my emotions a little more. Maybe it was because I wanted to remember. I wanted to remember the first month we had together, the first month of my traveling around the world with my friend. I wanted to remember every incredible moment. Driving around dusty Lima streets in bumpy cabs and buses. Arriving in Cusco and poking her in awe at the way the city nestled itself in the mountains. Sitting across from Macchu Picchu and talking about everything from love, expectations, goals, family and persuits. Dancing in Carnaval Blocos in Rio. Walking around Once in Buenos Aires and seeing a memorial for hundreds of kids who died in a fire during a concert and feeling all their shortened lives come slap me in the face in a wave of sadness. I’m not even half way done. How did I get here. Am I still doubting my right to do this? To let myself enjoy it.
I thought of the amazing people… and shit I was so happy to be alive. To let myself experience them. I wanted to be around someone that reminded me that it was real. That I wasn’t making it up . This it wasn’t just a dream. Someone would believe me when I would say that I had known someone a week and then cried at the thought of not seeing them again. People that had touched my life. Left a permanent imprint on it.
I was bored and I picked up a book on social intelligence. It was the first book that was acknowledging alienation in relation to inability to connect in face-to-face encounters. I knew this, but I seriously have to make more of an effort to cut out internet and increase my face to face encounters with people. You cant give someone a hug or kiss over the internet. So true. Is that what we lack in this hyper techno world of ours. Intimacy. Have we lost some feeling, some ability to relate. Right now even, at this moment, while I sit on this really nice plane with all these computers, I guess Emirates is supposed to be known for high-tek comfort, but how much did I talk to this lady next to me that spoke perfect English. Did I want to . Yes. Do we all lack the ability to implore the need to strike up a random conversation. I have to admit I was feeling a little stupid. I think I still have to work on my self consciousness at times. This is ridiculous. I spend so much time thinking about how I will perceived in the action I waste the energy in allowing myself to do the damn task. Ohh wow there is a lot of turbulance on this flight and my stomach is feeling really queezy.